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MAN U -ARSENAL & LIVERPOOL
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There are
three premiership teams stranded in a desert
- Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have
been there for one week when they finally come across
a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool
players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players. |
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NEVILLE JOKE. |
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One day at
the Man United training ground, and an hour before they
are due to finish, Sir Angry Ferguson says "Lads, I’m
gonna have to leave an hour early. Just carry on
training and I’ll see you tomorrow." So they carry on
and leave at the normal time.
The next day,
Sir Alex says, "sorry again lads, but I’m gonna have to
leave an hour early again. A spot of private business to
attend to." When he's gone, Roy Keane says, "forget
this, if he's going then I am too," and he takes off.
The next day, the same happens. "Sorry lads, gonna have
to leave early again." So Keane says, "Come on lads,
lets all go home, he'll not know". So they all went
home.
When Phil Neville got back to his house, he saw the
gaffer's car on the drive. So he quietly opened the
door, sneaked upstairs and peeped through the bedroom
door, only to be shocked by the sight of Ferguson making
love to his wife.
Rather stunned, Neville left the house and goes for a
walk. When he noticed the car had gone, he went back
into the house.
The following day at training, Sir Alex says, "Gotta go
again lads, sorry. Some private stuff to attend to."
Once again, Keane says, "Come on lads, lets all go home
again."
To which Neville replies, "forget that, I almost got
caught yesterday!" |
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What does mars
& the stadium of light have in common? |
| They both have no atmosphere. |
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Mackem fan
rings up local asylum and says is anyone in room 62. |
| Lady replies please wait on checking she
says to Mackem No it is empty. Mackem
Fan Says: Good I have escaped. |
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A Sunderland
supporter was caught climbing over a wall at the
stadium of light when he was caught by a policeman who
said: |
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| Son you paid for your season ticket so
you are going to have to stay and watch this shower of
S….t. |
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Sunderland Fan
asks a Toon Army fan are you called the Magpies? |
| Toon Fan Replies Yes |
| Sunderland Fan says our mascot is a
black cat? |
| Toon fan says I think it should be a
dog. |
| The Sunderland fan asks why is that? |
| Toon fan says it’s the only way you lot
can hold a lead. |
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Mackem Fan says to
Toon Fan |
| The Stadium of light has just been voted
the best playing football surface in the country. |
| Toon Fan replies: |
| Hoy man a Na its because ye have all
that shiiiite that plays in red and white gannin on it
each week man. |
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Two Mackem’s
walking round the Toon when they stop at a shop and look
inside the window. One Mackem says to the other look
shirts £1 , Quilts £1.50, sheets .50p. Its so cheap
here man I am going to buy the shop. |
| So in he walks and says to the
lady behind the counter. I want to buy everything in the
shop. |
| The lady asks you are a mackem? |
| To which he replies how do you know. |
| The lady says have you not got many dry
cleaners in Sunderland |
Jokes
